Onesies, being as awesome as they are, do present one problem: just how do you pee in a onesie? It seems that if a onesie is a one-piece clothing which you wear by zipping up the front, you definitely have to unzip and undress at least the top half of your body in order to go to the bathroom. Not only is this really troublesome, your upper body will also feel cold if it’s freezing and you’re wearing a onesie for warmth.
Because of the sheer gravity of the issues involved (I mean, who likes to freeze while peeing?), various people have tried to answer this commonly-asked question. (See, for example, YouTube star Carrie Fletcher’s hilarious video on this subject.) But it’s actually no big secret! The solutions – yep, “solutions” with an s – are surprisingly quite simple.
If you’re a guy and you only want to pee, two-way zippers will serve you just fine.
(Because while there are devices allowing females to pee standing up, they’re probably not everyone’s cup of tea.)
Featured: OnePiece Onesie Original Navy Melange
A two-way zipper, aka double zipper, features zipper tabs (the thingies which you pull in order to zip up/unzip) on both ends of the zipper. So if you’re a guy wearing a onesie with such two-way zippers and you feel the urge to pee, you simply pull on the bottom tab upwards and…okay, you know the rest. (If you’re wearing a button-up onesie, you may be able to get away with just undoing the bottommost button too. But I’ve always preferred zippers – less exposure, if you know what I mean.)
The downside is that onesies with two-way zippers aren’t that common, based on my experience. OnePiece is one of the rare brands that does make onesies with two-way zippers. The cloth zipper tabs on their onesies are oversized, so you won’t have to spend too long groping at your nether regions to find the bottom tab. You can check out their range of onesies here.
But because girls pee differently from guys, unfortunately we can’t make use of such a feature. You males are so darn lucky in this respect.
If you’re a girl, OR a guy who needs to take a dump, you gotta get yourself a butt flap.
(Butt flaps mind you, not butt flab. We definitely don’t need more butt flab!)
Featured: Lazy One Flapjacks Adult Pajamas
Also known as drop-seats, onesies with butt flaps have detachable butt areas (hence the name). So instead unzipping (or unbuttoning, depending on the design) your whole onesie, you just have to undo the butt flap before you let ‘er loose.
Onesies with butt flaps are fortunately more common than onesies with two-way zippers. Lazy One makes lots of great ones, for example. Some of my other favorite onesies with butt flaps include the super-soft Funzee Jumpsuit, the quirky PajamaCity Rubber Ducks Pajamas (night cap included!) and the oh-so-cuddly Mewgaroo Jumpsuit.
But okay, if you really have to go and your onesie doesn’t have any of the above high-tech features
(Because sometimes it just can’t be helped.)
Featured: MUStar Frozen Olaf Onesie
Sadly, not all onesies out there have the features mentioned above, which makes going to the bathroom in them more difficult. While I suppose you could skip the whole bathroom excursion by putting on an adult diaper, after numerous “experiments” on the art of bathroom-going in a onesie, I’ve come up with the following handy tips:
- Sleeves off the ground. When unzipping, you definitely don’t want the sleeves of your onesie to touch the floor. Because even if it looks clean, you never know what nasty microscopic things might be lurking around. I recommend holding your sleeves together in one hand while doing your business. If you’re sitting on the toilet, try tucking the sleeves into the pant area between your legs. Just remember to get hold of them before you stand up again. (All of this applies to the hood of your onesie too!)
- Remove only one arm from your sleeves. This method probably only works if your onesie is roomy in the crotch area. If your onesie is loose-fitting enough, you may be able to get away with removing only one arm from your sleeves after unzipping, and then pushing the onesie material away from the seat area to expose your butt. Be careful that the empty sleeve doesn’t flop into the toilet!
- Make it quick! And of course, try to use the bathroom as quickly as you can. This is especially so during cold weather – by keeping your bathroom breaks short and sweet, you’ll minimize your exposure to low temperatures! As you are bracing yourself for the experience, tell yourself “The cold never bothered me anyway…!” before unzipping. (If the bathroom is heated, good for you! But even so, you probably shouldn’t dally in the bathroom for too long either.)
I hope that these tips on how to pee in a onesie will help make answering nature’s call a less torturous affair for you from now on. If you have any questions, thoughts or tips of your own, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment! 🙂