A long time ago in a galaxy far,
George Lucas created the epic space film franchise, Star Wars. Not that it needs any introduction – the eagerly-awaited latest film, Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015), will be released in a month! If you haven’t already seen the trailer, you totally need to see it now. It’s awesome.
Counting only the films in the main saga, The Force Awakens is the latest film since Revenge of the Sith (2005). Doing some quick math, that’s a 10 year-wait, folks. Ten. Years. This is big. Needs a little dressing up for the occasion, don’t you think? Because when 10 years older, you reach … look as good, you will not.
Okay, who am I kidding. 10-year wait or not, traveling through hyperspace ain’t like dusting crops, farm boys and girls. Stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herders ain’t allowed to party with us – you need special gear when you go watch this movie. You need …
No, this isn’t a trap. I find your lack of faith disturbing. Use the force, my dear readers. Pick your favorite onesie to be one with, and let’s go hit the theaters come December 18!
Do. Or do not. There is no try.
(Star Wars fans, please forgive me for “defacing” the above picture…)
1. The Jedi
So you want to become a Jedi Master? It isn’t easy, young padawan. You may congratulate yourself for being chosen as an Initiate as a child, but the training, as you know, is tough. You will be away from your family for a long time. The Jedis are not Indiana Jones or James Bond – we do not crave adventure or excitement. You will learn how to use the Force, but only for knowledge and defense, never for attack. Do you understand? Very good, young padawan, but you still have much to learn.
The Jedi onesie is officially licensed Star Wars merchandise and is 65% polyester and 35% fleece.
Don’t forget your lightsaber, young padawan.
Ah, the troops of Darth Vader. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always wondered why their suits are white. Regardless of battle terrain (with the exception of snowstorms), I’m pretty sure Stormtroopers stick out like a sore thumb wherever they are. I don’t know why Darth Vader would arrange for his troops to be easy targets, but bad guys are always a strange lot.
This Stormtrooper onesie is 100% polyester.
Pair this onesie with a Stormtrooper helmet!
3. Darth Vader
Mr Darth Vader himself. Also known as [REDACTED TO PREVENT SPOILERS], who is [REDACTED TO PREVENT SPOILERS]‘s [REDACTED TO PREVENT SPOILERS]. Belonging to the dark side of the Force, Vader will unhesitatingly slay anyone who misquotes his most famous line of all time without mercy. It’s no wonder he’s been rated as #3 on the American Film Institute’s 2003 list of 100 Greatest Villains over the past century.
The Darth Vader onesie is 100% polyester. Come over to the dark side now. You can’t escape. (We have cookies.)
4. X-Wing Pilot
Are you brave? Very brave? Do you also have a knack for cunning, skill and success? Even in the face of being grossly outnumbered? Then we want YOU! Join the Rebellion NOW: we welcome everyone regardless of species, planet of origin or background. Having a pilot’s license will be an advantage, but not required. Submit your application TODAY!
The X-Wing pilot onesie is 100% polyester and comes with detachable feet. Don’t hesitate – the Republic needs you!
After a long day of battle, continue to show your allegiance with the Rebellion with a Rebel Alliance onesie while getting some rest.
Before the sleek white robots of today such as EVE and Baymax, there was R2-D2. I have a real soft spot for him – he’s such a cutie! Try a challenge while waiting for your onesie(s) to arrive – pick your favorite Star Wars flicks and play “What Do You Think R2-D2 Is Saying?”. Here’s an example to start you off. Artoo may bleep a lot, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have that much of a foul mouth!
The R2-D2 onesie is officially licensed Star Wars gear, consisting of 65% polyester and 35% fleece. There’s detail at the back too. Now, if only someone could mod this onesie to include some firepower…
Show the world you love R2-D2 with an R2-D2 pendant! Makes a great gift for your equally Star Wars-crazy friends or significant other too.
GGGWARRRHHWWWW 100% polyester AAAARHG RRWWWGG RRRWWGAHHHHW RAARRWWRARARRRRRRRR!!!!
7. Boba Fett
One of the most skilled and feared bounty hunters in the galaxy, Boba Fett is not someone you want to have the opportunity to meet. Unless you’re the one ordering the goods rather than being the goods, of course. Just don’t tell Fett that he was based off a discarded concept for Darth Vader, if you still value your life.
The Boba Fett onesie is 60% cotton and 40% polyester. Girls get their own officially licensed version of the Boba Fett onesie too!
Feeling rich after a successful bounty mission? Splurge on a Boba Fett helmet!
8. Darth Maul
“… Darth who? You mean Darth Vader, right? And wow, I sure didn’t know Spider-Man had a horned cousin who appears in Star Wars!”
(I can almost hear Darth Maul angsting nobodylovesmeeeee *sobs to self in one corner*)
Oh cheer up, Maul! Seriously guys, don’t estimate him – Darth Maul is pure evil. But uh, Maul? I hope you find your other half soon. Cough.
The Darth Maul onesie is made of 100% polyester and is also an official piece of Star Wars merchandise. Buyers have experienced sizing issues though, so you may want to order yours one or even two sizes larger for a good fit.
You can’t be Darth Maul without sporting his double-bladed lightsaber!
9. Star Wars Pajamas
While waiting for the release of The Force Awakens, this is the perfect time to refresh your memory on Star Wars trivia with a Star Wars movie marathon-slash-sleepover! Grab your fellow Star Wars fans, zip up in these comfy pajama onesies, and let the
pillow fights lightsaber duels begin!
The black pajama onesie is 100% polyester and features the Star Wars logo and Darth Vader in white.
The gray onesie is 100% cotton and features the Star Wars logo in red, white and blue, and Darth Vader in black and white.
UPDATE 22 JAN 2016: Singer/Actress Ariana Grande’s been spotted in the black Star Wars pajamas! So, star power endorsement? check!
In my experience, there is no such thing as luck. You were brought here for a reason and that’s great kid, but don’t get cocky. Now you will have to choose: which onesie will you be wearing to the premiere? If your friends are looking to buy Star Wars costumes, feel free to share this post with them too! May the Force be with you!